


our fallen heroes

by emmdies



Series: Affection [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:16:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26914258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmdies/pseuds/emmdies
Summary: After the disaster on Umbara, the last thing on Rex’s mind is paperwork, but it has to be done. Fortunately, the Admiral is a good friend of his and cannot bear to watch him beat himself up for what happened. They might also have a crush on our lovely Captain... that they will never admit to. But good thing they don’t mind giving out classified intel just to take his mind off things!Rex x admiral!Reader
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex & Reader, CT-7567 | Rex/Original Female Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex/Reader
Series: Affection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980983
Kudos: 40





	our fallen heroes

**Author's Note:**

> alrighty, this was my first shot at writing something in 2nd person. I'm going through different phases and trying to get back into writing so I tried this little exercise that I ended up getting really invested in, so here it is. nothing too fancy, just some comfort I thought Rex really deserved after all the shit he's been through. I also indulged myself and made the reader an admiral because why the heck not. also a mess of an admiral. high ranked respectable person having a high-school type of crush? yes. me having absolutely no clue about military/navy protocol and all that shizzle? also yes. but I digress
> 
> enjoy!

Unfortunately for Captain Rex and his mental state, Republic bureaucracy waited for no one. Following the battle of Umbara, he found himself four hours late in delivering his report, but figured late was better than never. You wouldn’t hold it against him, he knew it, although he felt guilty even for taking advantage of your lax behaviour when it came to protocol.

It was something you were known for, but as an Admiral in the Grand Army of the Republic, there were few who could scold you about it as long as your track record was impeccable. In a way, these two things went hand in hand, because the people under your command ended up valuing quality over quantity, and most of them felt at ease with you. It allowed them to voice concerns that perhaps had slipped your mind, or gave them the courage to point out different ways to approach a situation.

At the same time, they knew to respect you, because you always had the last call. And battle after battle, you showed nothing but respect for your people, always looking out for them and praising creativity and innovation.

He admired that about you, too. And although he hated to admit it, he enjoyed your presence more than he should have. Usually, he was eager to report to you when you had to work together, even when he didn’t have to - he’d sometimes drop by just to deliver a second opinion ‘if needed’.

This time, however, nothing could get him out of the pit of desperation he had allowed himself to fall into following what had happened on Umbara.

Rex nearly dragged his feet across the corridors, stopping to regain his composure once he approached the corner from where he would be able to see the doors to your office. When he turned it, however, he spotted you just as you were exiting and locking up, telling the guard he could return to his quarters.

The guard nodded and turned to walk towards where Rex was standing. You followed him with your gaze, and Rex figured you would spot him eventually, so he started walking in your direction. He was right - your eyes landed on him the moment he started moving again, and you turned to face him, hands clasped behind your back.

“Admiral,” he saluted, and you responded with a faint, tired smile.

“Captain.” You nodded. “What can I do for you?”

You never addressed clones by their numbers, unless it was what they preferred. With Rex, however, you addressed each other using only your ranks. It was a jest from back to the first time you had worked together and neither of you were sure what the other’s name was. You had ended up confessing you hadn’t caught his name, and he had done the same, to save himself a database search later.

He extended his arm towards you, revealing a datacard. “I, uh… I was supposed to give this to you. My report… on what happened on Umbara.”

“Yes, you were...,” you trailed off as you took the datacard from his hand gently. You looked at it as if it could reveal any information without inserting it into a datapad. He shifted uncomfortably as you kept examining the card, turning it around to inspect each side. Then, you tucked it in your pocket and looked at him, that failed attempt at a smile back on your lips again. “...four hours ago.”

The Captain stiffened and lowered his head. You secretly wished you could see his expression, but then caught yourself and instantly felt bad for being so cruel. “I know, Admiral. I apologize for the delay. I-”

“I know,” you interrupted him.

The two of you stood in silence for a while. It was uncomfortable, you were well aware of that, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to dismiss him. Of course, you didn’t give a bantha’s ass about the report, but he undoubtedly thought you did. You could tell your silence only added fuel to the fire. But you couldn’t just let him go like that. Not because of the late report, but because you already knew what had happened on Umbara and it was clear it had taken a toll on him.

“Let’s go over it, then,” you concluded, as you reached for your code cylinder and unlocked the door to your office.

“I thought you were leaving,” he said, looking between you and the now open door. “I wouldn’t want to disrupt your schedule. I’m sure it can wait - I’ll be available whenever you need me.”

You held back a smile at that last phrase. “My schedule should be the last of your concerns, Captain. Please,” you insisted and took a step back, motioning with your hand towards your office. “Unless you are the one with other plans,” you then added. It earned you another sudden straightening of his back, although you had intended it to come out more playful, to ease the tension.

“Certainly not the case, Admiral.” Rex walked in, and the lights turned on automatically as he stepped further inside. You followed him, closing the door behind you and then quickening the pace to make it to your desk before he could.

“Take a seat,” you invited him, and he chose one of the two seats that waited in front of your desk. He sat down, his back straight and his hands resting in his lap, avoiding your eyes. “You can take the helmet off, if you wish,” you added, and he complied, placing it in his lap and now staring at it instead. Again, to avoid your gaze.

Instead of walking to sit behind your desk, you went for a table at the side of the office, retrieving a clean glass from it. You turned to look at him, but he hadn’t moved a bit.

Seeing his face, you realized how bad it was. To say your heart was breaking was an understatement - the Captain you had worked with so many times, fearless leader of the 501st Legion, sat at your desk and looked as if all his ships had sunk.

Your first assignment as an Admiral had required you work closely with the 501st, offering air support and coordinating the attack from above. You had reviewed the tapes from the debriefing, since you’d had a feeling that he would look at you strangely when you weren’t paying attention to him. It had been a weird thing to do, but you couldn’t help but examine his various expressions as you spoke. He had obviously been concerned about something.

Later, you had taken him by surprise by asking him directly what his problem was. The mission over, and the takeover having been a success, he felt embarrassed to confess that he had thought you were too young to deserve your rank.

You had laughed at that, especially at his attempts to make sure you knew he was convinced of your competence following the mission. He had shown great determination, fighting until the very end for his men and the Republic. You couldn’t help but feel proud you had been chosen to work with such great men as him, General Skywalker and Commander Tano.

Many assignments later, you had ended up forming a close sense of camaraderie with the Captain, who you were able to easily distinguish from the rest of the clones. It had scared you at first - the idea of working with clones - but you had soon come to realize most of them were so blatantly different from each other.

You never shied away from praising the Captain of the 501st at the end of your missions together, even if you barely interacted with each other on the battlefield. Some of these moments would turn into casual conversation, or even strategy planning, and you often found yourself late for meetings or reports because you stayed behind to talk to him.

It had been one late night in that very office that you had realized you were actually falling for him. Soon after a surprise clash with the Separatists that you had barely managed to save your fleet from. You were done filing the necessary reports when the urge to punch in Rex’s holotransmitter code and tell him all about it had made your stomach drop.

You could have blamed it on having used a tactic to evade the Separatists you had previously discussed with him, but deep down, you knew. You wanted to talk to him because you enjoyed it. Not only the exchange of ideas, but the feeling it gave you. Some kind of strange safety (as if you needed protection!) and warmth… of being understood and seen as something more than just a high rank in the Navy.

“Tea? Caf?” you inquired, your mind back in the moment, but he simply shrugged and shook his head slightly. “I insist,” you added.

He still wouldn’t look up at you. He seemed lost in thought, his thumb trailing over the markings on his helmet. “Same as you.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, but didn’t wait for his answer. You retrieved a second glass and walked back to the desk, placing them both between the two of you. Then, you circled around the desk and produced a bottle of Corellian brandy from one of the drawers.

He watched you pour the alcohol, but didn’t reach for the glass until you handed it to him. Neither of you brought it to your mouths.

“I don’t need to read your report to know what happened on Umbara,” you said, your tone as soft as you could make it. “I took the liberty to file one in your name and sent it together with mine.”

He looked up at you, a confused expression on his face. “Then… why am I here?”

Because I want to make sure you are alright.

“Did anyone ever tell you how I got my promotion to Admiral?” you switched the subject, purposefully ignoring his question as you sat on top of the desk in front of him.

“There were some… rumours,” he muttered, not wanting to sound like he believed them.

You knew exactly what he was referring to. “That I killed my superior to get his place, I know.” You leaned forwards, holding the glass of liquor with both your hands and looked into it. “I was his second in command, and he insisted on escorting the two troopers personally. They were retrieving vital information on a vulnerability discovered concerning the first series of Venator-class Star Destroyers.”

Rex’s brows furrowed slightly. This was new information.

“He always did this - got too involved in missions. In a way, it was a good thing he did, because this war could have taken a horrible turn if it hadn’t been for his personal intervention.” You shook the glass a little, and only continued speaking once it settled and showed your reflection again. “He managed to send me a coded message that the shuttle he was on had been hijacked by the Separatists. They were two hours away from boarding our ship, but their plan was to get out of range of our scanners and scramblers so that they could transmit the information to their base. That, or they would jump to hyperspace the moment they exited the planet’s gravitational field.”

You looked at him and saw that you had his full attention. Good, because you weren’t going to risk breaking down in front of someone whose mind was elsewhere. “It was too late to prepare a boarding party. Our pilots would never be ready in time. There was a chance they had already transmitted the data. We had to move quickly. He told me-”

A lump in your throat prevented you from continuing. You hadn’t even noticed when it had started to form, but you swallowed it down and regained your composure.

“He told me I knew what I had to do. I went over the situation a million times in my head. There were at least three full-on battles going on in different regions. If that information reached the Separatists, the Republic risked losing them all. There was so much at stake, and it was all so sudden.

“Still, I hesitated. I ordered so many simulations, my officers could barely keep track. Five minutes later, I feared I had stalled too much. I gave the order.”

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, leaning back. “Everyone knew it was the right call, but no one had the heart to insist. They were all ready for it - the attack was swift, and the shuttle was destroyed in a couple of seconds.”

After a few seconds of silence, you found the strength to meet his eyes and felt your heart crumble the moment you did. His expression was a combination of both shock and sadness. You painfully recalled having a similar look when you were witnessing the shuttle being torn to pieces.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, before looking back down at his helmet.

“For days, all I could do was turn the situation over in my mind. Think of what I could have done differently. I could have insisted on going instead. I could have assigned more men to the shuttle. I could have made sure our men were ready and standing by, but no one expected this. It was just… a routine mission, a task we picked up on the side.”

He sighed, knowing exactly why you had decided to share this with him. Although he felt somewhat flattered, his thoughts raced right back to his own issues. He could not imagine the day he would not be haunted by the sight of his brothers being shot down as they had. “I shot my own men…,” he said, before clenching his hand into a fist and closing his eyes shut.

“And I killed my Admiral,” you added, but with less sadness to your tone. “We are at war. We have to make decisions that thousands of lives might depend on. We might not always make the right choice, or face situations that will go easy on our conscience. But we make them in good faith, and we bring all our experience and knowledge into them.”

You leaned over and covered his fist with your hand. “And sometimes our knowledge isn’t enough. Sometimes our experience is lacking. But we’re the ones in charge, and, sure, maybe we later think that we could have done better. But that’s only because we later possess knowledge we didn’t back then.”

He opened his eyes only to look at your hand covering his. “I should have seen it coming. I should have been more assertive.”

You squeezed his fist. “You would have been court-martialed and sent away. Someone else would have taken your place - someone who might not have acted the same as you.”

Rex looked up at you, those amber eyes making it harder and harder for you to form coherent sentences. “Or they might have done what I should have done so much earlier.”

“You don’t know that,” you said, looking away for a split second. Your hand was still on top of his, and you wondered whether he was still aware of it. “But you will have to live with the facts as they happened. They’re the only things you can be certain of. Not the what-ifs, not the situations you’re creating in your head. Just because you didn’t personally shield them from blasters doesn’t mean you haven’t saved thousands of lives with what you did on Umbara.”

You took a deep breath, wondering whether what you were about to say could even make a difference, or if you were arrogant to think so. “For what it’s worth, I think no one could have handled it better than you. I’ve known you long enough to be sure of that. I have never seen a commander as dedicated to their men as you are.”

His fist relaxed a little, and you were sent back to reality from your speech. He made no move to push you off. “Still, I can’t help but wonder… all those lives lost in vain. My brothers, people who were ready to die for the Republic, no matter what…”

“They didn’t die for nothing. They died fighting for what they thought was right...,” you began to say, but then whatever words you had prepared vanished from your mind as his fist loosened completely and he turned his hand so that his fingers could wrap around yours.

“I know,” he replied, not realizing that you had planned on saying more. He took in a sharp breath and released your hand. “I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s alright,” you interrupted him and refused to move your hand away. “I wish I had someone to hold my hand back then, both metaphorically and…” You glanced at the sight of your hands intertwined once again and it warmed your heart to see that he had relaxed. “No one should have to go through this alone. It’s okay to feel the way you do, and it’s okay to mourn, but you don’t have to do it alone, Rex.”

It was the first time you had used his name like that. For the first time in days, he managed to bring himself to smile, if only for a few seconds. You would have given anything to make it last longer, but you were content with only that for now. It was enough.

You used your free hand to bring the glass in front of you. He did the same, thinking you wanted to clink the glasses, but you tilted your glass so that part of the liquor spilled on the floor instead.

“For our fallen heroes,” you declared.

He poured one out as well.

“For our fallen heroes.”


End file.
